Well, TINAH has done it again. I’ve tricked another credible news source into letting me flounce, flop and flail all over their broadcast.

This time, the unsuspecting victim was the local ABC affiliate here in New York:

“That’s very funny but, sir, can we please stay on topic?”, ABC 7 reporter Shirleen Allicot said when I launched into a string of unsolicited dick jokes.

I want to thank all the good people at ABC 7 New York for allowing me to compromise their job security by appearing on a segment about how to live in and design for a small space. Although the interview lasted 4 hours and only 3 minutes made it on air please know I don’t hold it against you. I understand my fear of heights, body dysmorphia issues and the devastatingly low self-esteem I developed in the third grade after my friend Travis found a Polly Pocket in my backpack are not necessarily topics that should interest your viewership but next time don’t count them out either, m’kay? I’m just saying, like Taylor Swift, I am a lightning rod of universal human experience and you never know what might be ratings gold, leading you to an Emmy and a permanent seat next to Michael Strahan. That’s the only point I’m trying to make here.

Check out my Instagramz to see the obnoxious selfie I coerced ABC 7’s Shirleen Allicot and John The Cameraman into taking with me! You can see the fear their eyes!

Also, if there are any producers out there who are looking for a low-rent, wonky-faced Nate Berkus to appear on your telecast and spout off about affordable DIY design or North West’s wardrobe please do not hesitate to contact me*.  I’M TALKING TO YOU, TODAY SHOW.

*In addition I am available for birthday parties, bat/bar mitzvahs, christenings, commencements speeches, academic lectures, water births, QVC hand modeling, guest bartending and nude Skype sessions.