MY SECRET GARDEN

We all make questionable choices from time to time. I’m not immune to them. When it comes to design I’m prone to them. Throw in a flash sale site and just wait for the plague of locusts. Let me explain…

I have a rule: My first reaction is usually wrong. What I think is my inner Jeff Lewis encouraging me to buy the set of decorative deer antlers from Pottery Barn is actually just my inner Duarto Feliz hiding in disguise, trying to run afoul of my better judgement.

Which is how I found myself on One King’s Lane one night, clicking ‘Complete My Purchase’ for a collection of hand painted arrows. Yep.

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Beauts, aren’t they?

I had this grand idea of displaying them in a rustic ceramic vessel and it would be all ‘Ralph Lauren meets Michael Bastain in the Great American West’, but since I was home alone no one was around to tell me that was dumb and I was an idiot.

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Such is the curse of online shopping. One minute you’re a guy without medieval weaponry in his home and the next you’re Katniss Everdeen.

It was out of feeling ashamed for having wasted $30 and the poorly crafted Robin Hood joke I had to endure thanks to my neighbor in 1B (“What did Maid Marian say to Robin Hood?” “You make me quiver.”) that I decided I needed to find another use for these puppies.

So I turned to my beloved patio, on which I had just added some potted plants and a small Boston ivy I got from the florist down the block. The ivy had been growing steadily and I was using nails and zip ties to help it crawl up the fence.

IMG_4083A few weeks earlier I had drawn up plans for a planter to run length-wise across the patio, resting on that little lip there, to hold 12-15 ivy seedlings, but when I priced it out and weighed the cost…well, I went with the shitty vomit trough you see above. (As if you need reminding, you can read my rant here as to how I came to that conclusion.) I wanted the entire north wall to be covered in green and although that wasn’t going to happen my little ivy was making significant progress on its own. It just need a helping hand.

IMG_4088In the formed of lattice! There was very little construction involved, if any. I put a nail at each intersection (9 total) and fastened the arrows to the nailheads with zip ties. Then I gave the ivy a little boost by tying it to the arrows and voila! From laughing stock to Merry Men in about 30mins.

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One thought on “MY SECRET GARDEN

  1. Pingback: INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO COLON JAMES LIPTON* INTERVIEWS THIS IS NOT A HOUSE SEMI COLON AN UPDATE SLASH JOHN EDWARDS WANTED TOO MUCH MONEY TO COMMUNICATE WITH THIS VOICE FROM THE DEAD PARENTHESES MY APOLOGIES FOR THE ABSENCE | This Is Not A House

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